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June 23rd, 2009
09:04 pm - Waiting for the time, when I can finally say... This has all been wonderful, but now I'm on my way.
So, alright. That last post (before the AAHH one) was alarmingly depressing and I think I need to explain myself.
I am a very impatient person. When I want something, it better happen soon after I want it or I get all bothered. It is damn motivating, but in certain situations you have to do the time before you can do what you want to. I'm not good at dealing with that.
I’m not upset, I’m not suicidal, I’m not ronery, and in fact things are going pretty good down here. This has been a huuuge change of ..everything and It was hard to adjust at first. I have room to relax now and it’s much clearer that I was just worrying about nothing. Thank you to everyone who let me whine to them. I owe you dinner.
Being 100% out of my element sucks. Not knowing anyone, and having to use a GPS to get ANYWHERE sucked, not having my own place sucked, not having anything to do Friday nights.. suuuucked. I’m figuring it out. Starting to love driving down here (85 on the highways, what), getting used to living in someone else’s house, and making friends to bother on weekends. This was good for me. I was looking for something to shake up my life and I certainly found it.
School and work have been pretty rough. The place I’m working decided to tack an extra hour on to the workday after I started without any sort of pay raise. Lovely. I got a job managing the computer systems for about 20 companies. It’s not hard work… but it is very frustrating. No documentation, no control of the networks, no antivirus in many cases, no backups…. I spent the first few months driving all over the place to take care of silly crap that could have been handled remotely. Things are starting to level off with that and I have a couple of big projects coming up to look forward to... but the hours still suck ass.
School has been veeerry taxing too. I was convinced halfway through the semester that I was going to fail every one of my classes. That didn’t happen. In fact I got all A’s (except for ASL1 – B) and my GPA is a 3.6! *proud*. This summer I’m taking my second (and last ever) English course and have gotten an A on every paper so far. It’s so weird to think about…. This coming spring I will graduate with my AA. Like… halfway done with this…
I start my first serious college courses in the fall, into to calc and chemistry sound scary… definitely going to have to work on studying more, but it’s going to be fun to learn something new, and play with the test tubes. I do feel like the “weird old guy” around campus but it is what it is. I’m fine with being “that dude who can buy us beer”.
I haven’t updated much because not much has been going on. Most days I get up, go to work, continue on to school, and then do homework until I fall asleep. Rinse and repeat. This weekend my LAST paper is due in English and holycrapiwillhavenoideawhattodowithmyself. I am freakin looking forward to that.
So, that’s been the story with me. I think this is the most boring entry I’ve ever written on LJ.
( Here is the AC meme that everyone has been doing )
Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/cool.gif) calm
Current Music: Deadliest Catch on TV
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June 21st, 2009
11:18 pm - aaahhhhhh!
holyshitacisintwoweeks
Current Location: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/bouncy.gif) wooooaaaaahh
Current Music: Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
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May 10th, 2009
04:55 am
Its nights like tonight. I cant explain it, what triggers it or how I know. Nights where all I can do is nervously look down at the same dimly lit green screen, load the same playlist and close my eyes tight and try and breathe. Its instantaneous. The first bars hitting my ears and there I am. Right back where this all began. The cold, the smells, the sounds, the same combination of excitement, dread, and pure fight or flight panic filling my soul and pushing everything else outward.
It’s hard to open my eyes again. I look around and remember where I am and more importantly, why. The series of events rush past my eyes and I can instantly recall all of the other times I’ve felt like this since. Remembering the nights of holding on to something white knuckle tight and not even being able to find the breath to cry, the anger, hurt, frustration that even violence would not do anything to stop.
I don’t know what sets this off. I can usually feel the onset a few days in advance, the nagging in my head beginning to get stronger and gnaw its way a bit closer to the surface.
I get frustrated sometimes, I wonder what I would be like if things didn’t end up this way, if I would have never thought of any of this in the first place. I get scared because of how much of my life it has changed and how many of the decisions I make every day all stem from this. I wont say it’s been all bad – I don’t think I’ve ever been so passionate or motivated to do anything. I remember the mornings, dragging myself out of bed before sunrise, wiping the snow off my car, remembering the cold. Remembering, this is the price I am paying, I deserve this. The feel of the freezing air over my face driving, the same few bars of the same song from the same dim green screen reaching my ears as I scream as loud as I can along with the first track – the weirdest combination of rage, crying, and pure kick ass adrenaline surging through my mind as I begin my day.
I’m not sure why I was so motivated to update this, especially after so long, and especially with something like this. I read LJ every day and almost every day I feel like I should write …something. I get scared. I make reasons not to or find something else to do.
Things are pretty good here – I have a good job, I will have paid off my moving expenses in a month or two more, and I just finished my first year of college. I’m making friends, getting out more, and meeting people I think will be good to know for where I want this to all lead. Why though? Why am I here, why am I doing this? Why does it matter to me to the point where I’ve re-arranged everything to make it happen. I worry that when I get there… what next? What do people do? I get so frustrated with the people around me spending their moments in front of a metal box in an even bigger, cold box working their lives away to buy even bigger boxes to stare into. I don’t get it. I don’t want to get it, I want company on my path but I feel like there isn’t anyone else who gets it – they are all weird. And then it hits me that I am the one sitting in the dark, on the sand surrounding the Gulf of Mexico typing my thoughts into this. Alone.
I wouldn’t change any of this. I am happy, excited, and honestly a bit scared about where I will end up. I just wish I knew why. Everyone else I talk to has a why, mostly (by my overly judgmental opinion) superficial or inaccurate ones but they still have one. Their life and end goals are not the results of nights of cold sweats and staring daggers at someone as they hurry out of a room.
I feel like a fake sometimes because of this, it throws me off, all the thoughts telling me that im not cut out for this, im wasting my time, the probability of getting where I want to be is so low its not worth trying. This gets worse especially when I get in this mood. Your too old, your not attractive enough, you wont be able to make it through school, you will get lazy, you will get bored with it, you wont be able to make a living, your going to get to the end and still not find what you want.
I feel like I’m rambling and im going to take a nap here for a while and clear my thoughts
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February 1st, 2009
09:38 pm - Wiggly ball championship
This sums up the last few years perfectly :D
Current Location: couch
Current Music: personal foul, unnescicary roughness
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January 7th, 2009
January 2nd, 2009
08:42 am - The time has come when I can finally say...
Stolen from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) warsawkook
( Let me tell you about my wiener )
Current Location: up too late
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/blank.gif) BORING AND VANILLA
Current Music: Phish - Down with Disease
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December 26th, 2008
01:59 am - Silent Night
I had a very good Christmas.
Tonight I am going to bed somewhere familiar, somewhere I feel safe and welcome and where I can't help feeling like is home. I find myself pretending that tomorrow I will wake up to some random July morning, roll over and have a laugh about the most surreal dream I've had in a long time.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/happy.gif) happy
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December 15th, 2008
09:37 pm - Hide the eggnog!
I'll be home for Christmas.
12/23 TPA -> JFK arrive @9:40pm
12/28 JFK -> TPA depart @8:40pm
Current Location: TROPICS
Current Mood: Eeeeeeeeeee
Current Music: Brad Paisely - online
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November 19th, 2008
06:18 pm
Stolen from taekkan1
So, Pyrophin, your LiveJournal reveals...
You are... 4% unique (blame, for example, your interest in rollerhuskying) and 12% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy theatre). When it comes to friends you are popular. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are wary of trusting strangers. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is conventional.
Your overall weirdness is: 27(The average level of weirdness is: 29.
You are weirder than 60% of other LJers.)
Find out what your weirdness level is!
I guess everyone is rollerhuskying these days. Time to find a new hobby.
Three story Chinese buffet tonight!
Current Location: Hungary
Current Mood: Hungery
Current Music: Food
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10:52 am - Marf...
I’m not a guy who is good at taking compliments. Thank you for all your kind words and well wishes for the move. I miss everyone… It’s taking a lot of getting used to not having all my friends around, but having you all there to talk to and laugh with on the puter and phone makes me happy. There is a very good chance I will be back on the island for Christmas, this 75 degree weather is weirdin me out just as much as seeing people with plastic snowmen lit up under their palm trees. I know draganta has a meet the Sat before Christmas but I do not know when exactly I will be flying in. We will work something out :D
I have pictures up from the fondue party!!! It went off better than I could have imagined, the only regret was not having a proper dining room and enough chairs for everyone. Special thanks go out to the peeps that helped me push the boat out of the back… in the mud… in the pouring rain.
Click for more!
Things have been leveling out here. I got my plates and license changed over last week, I took the placement tests for college yesterday (did very well ^.^) and today I am running errands and getting things in order for MFF and such. Tomorrow I’m flying up to Ohio to meet my phinslice fuzzyfin and roadtrip it up to the con. Going to hang out and see the sights in Chicago/Ohio until Wednesday then fly in to JFK to head upstate with scittersferret and thilus for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait!!
Apart from college and errands I have been keeping busy here. longbottle has been showing me around Tampa while telling me at length all the things he doesn’t like, lots of time at the beach, INSANE flea markets all around on weekends, hanging with my uncle and aunt, and studying haven’t left me with many booooreedd moments. Argh, I miss everyone… several times a day I’ll see something and get excited to go back and check it out with whomever, only to realize they are miles and miles away. Everyone, move here.
I did get to check out Ribfest last weekend. It was beautiful. I have always wanted to go to a pro BBQ event but they don’t exist up north. I had an unhealthy amount of ribs and beans sitting under a palm tree beside the ocean while the Doobie Brothers played on stage. I think the South and I are starting to get along nicely.
More Pork?
Some stuff down here is taking a bit to get used to. The driving puts NY and LI to shame, its no wonder you must re take a road test when transferring a FL license to most other states, Christ. I’m half convinced they give them out in cereal boxes. Gas pumps that don’t have the lock things removed are a real treat, but not having vapor recovery on the nozzles irritates me, that and finding out Florida got rid of motor vehicle inspections five years ago. There are NO emissions tests, no safety tests, no anything. You can drive your black smoke spewing, oil dripping, piece of shit until it falls apart and nobody cares. Ugh.
I do like how friendly people are, everyone I've talked to has a story and doesn't mind sharing it. The cost of living and schooling here is ridiculously cheap and the food is good as long as you don't expect to eat the same things you did back home. I don’t know if this is the place I will be calling my permanent home, we are just starting to get to know each other. But as far as homes go, for now, it’s more than adequate.
Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Jimmy Buffet - Changes in Attitudes
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November 16th, 2008
10:51 pm - Florida
So, I'm here and in one piece. I got into Tampa around 6pm on Tuesday and have been busy getting paperwork and my living arrangements in order. This is very, very weird.
The drive down was uneventful. Towards the Jersey border I got a check engine light and the transmission on the Phinmobile started acting funny. I have had a problem with it for a while but towing the trailer seemed to agitate things even more. Once I shifted out of overdrive and kept it under 55 things were OK. It's still kinda crappy... I didn't get to stop at any of the places I had planned along the way.
( Clicky for more! )
Current Location: Seminole, FL
Current Mood: Schnazzy
Current Music: ZZ Top - Cheap Sunglasses
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November 5th, 2008
05:22 pm - Party update!
Just a reminder that this Friday starting at 8 is my sexy fondue party! I am compiling a list of people who are coming so I can make sure there is enough cheese and chairs!
If you plan on crashing, bring pillows/blankets/pajamas. We have ample floor space but said floor is Pergo and not the best thing to sleep on.
People who have confirmed:
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Thy
Ferret
Skyay
Skyjay's bird friend
Husky
Warsy
Mr. F
Pkitty
Chuck Shada
Amadeus
kemeeeeelion
Gadas
Tokoro
Firefox
Freakylynx
Jbadger
People who have mentioned coming but I do not know for sure and would like to!
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Warsy's hairy gentlemen friend
Rick
Smitty
Cubbi
Mae
Hypedingo
Merlechantox
Toboe25
Xerxes
Vulpix1985
Cubsy
Scully
Fossil
Josh
Leave me a message on IM if you need addresses/directions. Reply and let me know if I forgot to add you to the list, or what your status is!
Current Mood: Hungry
Current Music: Ben Folds - You dont know me
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November 2nd, 2008
09:41 pm - ATTTN
Who's going to MFF?
and, can I sleeps on your floor?
Current Location: Kitchen
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/thoughtful.gif) curious
Current Music: Steely Dan - Reeling in the years
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October 30th, 2008
October 23rd, 2008
03:55 pm - *ELECTION PARTY*
X-Posted from LI-Furs
Friday, November 7th… 8PM until the last man falls … we are having one last get-together at my place to eat cheese and drown our sorrows/celebrate either Mc Changey-pants or Floppy-Face being chosen as the leaders of our country.
Fondue will be served for dinner and dessert. I will be doing a traditional Swiss, Skyjay will be bringing the highly unstable, yet erotic pizza fondue, thilus be talked into that amazing cheddar and beer fondue from last time. Dessert will be chocolate fondue with Carmel, Fresh fruit and other tasty, tasty things to dip.
I think it could be a lot of fun! We were planning something like this for a while but as this is the last party we will be hosting before I disappear into the land of butterfly ballots.
There will be drinking at this party. If you plan on drinking, you will not be driving. Depending on how many people RSVP we may do punch (with death fruit) again. To make things interesting (and because fondue is expensive) please BYOB to share!
If you do drink, don’t overdo it. If you cause a scene or get belligerently drunk and start harassing people, we will put you in the scary room.
Bring snacks, soda, or side dishes to share! Every one of you has something delicious you or parent can make and bring. We will supply the basic stuff along with dinner.
We have more than enough crash space. There are 3 (possibly 4) bed type options available, two empty rooms, and more floor than you can shake a stick at. If you plan on drinking and crashing, bring a pillow and blanket.
Underage drinking will not be tolerated any more than it was atskyjay’s beta going away party. We want everyone to have a good time, hugs not drugs, all that.
T3h Intarnets and the Lulz will be left at home. I swear I will snap if anyone asks if they can has something. I like fondue and drinking because it is something you can do with friends while BSing, sitting buried in a laptop gets between that.
Donations, as always are greedily accepted.
Reply back or drop me an IM if you are interested. It will be helpful to know how many people we have to cook for ahead of time so we can plan accordingly. If you require cooking/prep space for something you are bringing give us a heads up too!
Current Location: Computer Mines
Current Mood: Fondue
Current Music: Born in the USA
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October 16th, 2008
05:25 pm - Furfright, et al.
About a half hour ago I gave my two weeks at work. My last day at this job will be Oct. 30th. Up until now plans have all been talk. Today I start the ball rolling on a journey that I have been putting off for almost three years now.
I’m moving to Tampa Bay, FL in a few weeks to start work (for real this time) on my marine science degree. I got accepted to Hillsborough community college a few weeks back, the plan so far is to get the general classes out of the way (cheaply) and then transfer to USF (3k PER YEAR tuition for in-state) :O once my residency goes through.
In the mean time, I will be interning the FUCK out of Clearwater rescue, living with my biker uncle, and getting tan. Sexy tan.
I leave Monday Nov 10th if everything goes to plan. I have a U-haul all rented for the back of the phinnmobile and I will be taking my time getting to Tampa. I hope to stop at some of the same places Alton Brown did in the first Feasting on Asphalt and have mapped out a bunch of other foody places to try. Pictures will be taken. Tums will be stocked to the roof.
As exciting as all that sounds… I am sick to my stomach terrified of moving.
I am excited to finally get started on this, at the same time I will be leaving so much behind. I have a great life here full of friends I will never be able to replace. I have been trying my hardest not to think about that, it’s hard. I know I am going to be a sniffling ball of pathetic packing up and pulling away when the time comes.
Blah. Trying not to think like that… I will be at Furfright this weekend! There are a lot of people I need to see/say goodbye to and even more that I have been out of contact with for way too long. My head has been all over the last couple months with this and it’s not fair to everyone I’ve been ignoring. Please find me. I’m lonely and have alcohol.
Current Location: Computer Mines
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/apathetic.gif) Worried
Current Music: Meat Loaf - Bat out of hell
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October 9th, 2008
10:34 am - Fatty Blog
Stolen from Grouchy McAngryphin, emo extraordinaire.
Bold the establishments you've been to.
1. Arby's - Ew.
2. Beefeater
3. Benihana
4. Black Angus
5. Blimpie - favorite chain sammich place
6. Buffalo Grill - unimpressed with the wings here
7. Burger King - delish onion rings
8. California Pizza Kitchen - those abominations are NOT pizza.
9. Carl's Jr. - Everything fast food should be.
10. Chick-fil-A
11. Checkers (or Rally's) - Bannnana Milk Shakes from here are teriffic
12. Chipotle - the Starbucks of Mexican places. Unimpressed.
13. Chuck E. Cheese's - Ew. friends always had birthday parties here though.
14. Claim Jumper
15. Cluck-U-Chicken
16. Coney Island Hot Dogs
17. Del Taco
17. Denny's - Ahh... memories...
19. El Pollo Loco - tasty!
20. Fatburger
21. Firehouse Subs - VERY good chain sub place. Will eat there again!
22. Hard Rock Cafe - buying a 7/11 burrito and flushing $40 down the toilet is more satisfying than Hard Rock.
23. Hardee's - See Carls Jr.
24. Harvey's
25. HomeTown Buffet - The cake. The cake is very soft here.
26. Hooters - Single mothers, cheap beer and good wings, what else can a man ask for?
27. In-n-Out - oh yeah. 4x4 animal style, Dr. Pepper, and animal fries.
28. Jack in the Box - No! I will be fixing this soon enough though :D
29. Jimmy John's
30. Johnny Rocket's
31. Kelsey's
32. KFC - Who doesn't like KFC?
33. Krispy Kreme - Better than Dunkin... but still meh.
34. Krystals - hold the mustard and you got White Castle.
35. Long John Silver's - Huuushhhhpuuupiesssssss
36. McDonald's - Every so often, will crave a Big Mac. Mostly avoid at all costs .
37. Oporto
38. Panda Express - totally unimpressed. Mall food.
39. Outback Steakhouse - the applebees of Steakhouses.
40. Planet Hollywood
41. Quizno's - never impressed me, but most places don't have as good hero shops as we do.
42. Rainforest Cafe - was very little when I went here. I remember liking the cool fountains and fog machines more than the foods though.
43. Red Lobster - the ONE TIME thilus out fooded me.
44. Red Robin - 1/2 BACON CHEESEBURGER WITH A FRIED EGG ATOP. UNFUNF
45. Red Rooster
46. Señor Frog's
47. Skyline Chili
48. Sonic - hot chicks in roller skates can bring me cheesy tots any day :D
49. Steak and Shake - good mall food.
50. Subway - even less impressive than Quiznos
51. Sweet Tomatoes
52. T.G.I.Friday's - Busspans of soda and DDR at the back table here with friends was how we spent high school. Order the Jack daniels wings. they aren't on the menu but SO GOOD.
53. Taco Bell - urgh.
54. TCBY - AGES ago, think I went with Luke and Lynne.
55. The Old Spaghetti Factory
56. Tim Horton's
57. Wendy's - Good, but heavy.
58. Whataburger
59. White Castle - Delightfully terrible.
Additions from neouka:
60. Texas de Brazil
61. Cheesecake Factory - not my favorite, but its fun accompanied by a lamp.
62. East Side Mario's
63. Cracker Barrel - alright food. the store thing is neat though.
64. Eat n' Park
65. IHOP - post furmeet staple since 1965
66. Starbucks - ironic people with thick black glasses and apple products. Whats not to love?
Emo's additions:
67. Waffle House - Smothered, Covered and Capped.
68. Chili's - I don't like this place one bit.
69. Little Caesar's - Ew.
MY ADDITIONS:
70. Applebees - half price apps n 2fers after 10
71. Carabbas - Best Italian chain, ever.
72. Houlihans - my favorite chain restaurant, hands down.
73. Pizzaria UNO - Greasy. Not my style of pizza at all.
74. Ruby Tuesdays - Strive for adequacy. The name still makes my hair stand on end.
75. Friendly's - simple, tasty, and Icecreams!
76. Melting pot - Fondue and a nice red. pricey, but damm good.
77. Fuddruckers - a-maze-ing burgers. Get the buffalo or the steak burger!
78. Olive Garden - CAN I GET MORE RAYNCH FOR MY AL-FREY-DOW NOODLES PLEASE
79. Tijuana Flats - Suprisingly good!! Look forward to going back here.
80. MOTHAFUCKIN CULVERS - Burgers. Fried in butter. with. CustardB Milkshakes.
81. Ponderosa - Deliciously white trash buffet.
82. Bucca De Beppo - VERY good family style italian. I go here once a year and it is always an event to remember. I've fallen into a happy food coma apon leaving every time :)
83. Dunkin Donuts - office staple food.
84. Bobbys Burger Palace - Absolutely. fucking. terrible. Overpriced Sysco burgers and buns. The milkshakes were VERY good however.
85. Famous Daves - very good barbecue! did not expect that from a chain.
86. Smoky Bones - Very bad barbecue. Very expensive.
87. Charley Browns - salad bar scored points, but overall... meh. far better steakhouses for less money.
88. J&R's Steakhouse - Local chain but VERY good food. cheap!
89. Roy Rogers - my faaavorite fried chicken place. Best enjoyed after a long day at the beach.
90. Coldstone Creamery - over priced and full of college kids... but goddamm. Ice cream that I cant finish.
91. 7/11 it counts as a restaurant. I don't care. I loves me a slurpee.
There has to be more that I can't think of right now. I never realized how much I eat out until getting this list together. Jeez! My family never, ever, ever ate out when I was growing up. I think I've more than made up for lost time.
I tried not to list local chains I like (Jim's Pizza, etc...) that I tend to eat at way more than the chain restaurants. It was tough! we have some *very* good local eats around here.
any additions? suggest places to eat I have not tried yet!
Current Location: Computer Mines
Current Mood: Hungry
Current Music: OAR - Shattered
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September 20th, 2008
03:07 pm
Dinner party, tomorrow evening.
Theme: Caribbean
Menu: To follow
Donations greedily accepted
Current Music: Jimmy Buffet - Cheeseburger in paradise
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September 17th, 2008
09:19 am - Going to hell.
( Click for more )
Current Location: Computer Mines
Current Music: Good Charlotte - Girls and Boys
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August 27th, 2008
09:07 am - Meat
Good friends are the ones who pull you out of bed after an soul-crushingly bad couple of days, feed you meat cupcakes and give you new towels.
I am blessed to have friends as bizarre as this.
I've been out of touch, I know. I'm working on it.
Current Location: Computer Mines
Current Mood: blank
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![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonmama/sillysuns/sick.gif)
Bloated